The Baby Test

In the past year, six of my sweet girlfriends have had six--sweet baby girls--all girls! In the next three months, there will be three First Birthday Parties--one each for Lilian Ashleigh, Kylie Eliza, and Makailyn Thea. Then later on this year, our little group will celebrate the First Birthdays of Laynee Adele, Eden Avery, and my sweet Ruby Eileen. In addition to THAT, there will be Savannah Katherine's second birthday, and all our the little boys...there are three, no four of them! We are so blessed to have our amazing friends, and it got me thinking how perhaps we should all have taken the following test BEFORE the one that gives the two blue lines, because this is the best darn estimation of what the first years of having a child are truly like (minus the beautiful little gummy grins, the sweet smell of their little heads, those little chubby arms reaching up from the crib and SO many others...)
(Oh...and at least two other babies will be born this year in our group!!) Note to self: don't drink the water!!
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Are you considering having children? To determine whether you are truly prepared for the experience, we suggest you take this set of simple tests...Naturally, one must multiply these by the number of children you have, if you're a multiple Mommy!

MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN)
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

Now, about this cold...

It's currently 34 degrees. The local weather dudes are reporting this as, "bone-chilling" and "frigid" and "icicle-like". People are dressing like it's the South Pole and cars are being warmed up in the morning like it was Fargo. WHAT?!! People. This. Is. Not. COLD!

This is what it was like every stinkin winter when I was a child. Forget that--it was bitterly--and I do mean bitterly, cold. I clearly remember walking to the bus stop in 4 degree weather. FOUR DEGREES YALL! Mike was fondly reminiscing of the days when treking across the Drillfield at Virginia Tech meant having bodily fluids being FROZEN to your face when you got to your destination because 1) Blacksburg can get cold as a witches t** in a brass bra and 2) the Drillfield itself is just pretty much a beautiful, glorified wind-tunnel. You put buildings made of limestone on the perimeters of a concave field that big and see what happens. People walking just get blown over. One girl, walking near me on my way to McBride one day just up and disappeared when a big ol gust came and took her away. (Kidding, but you get the picture).

I, for one, would think that those good people up there in the Northwest where it's oh, say 32 below ZERO like it was yesterday would tend to get a wee bit torqued to hear a two-bit transplant to Virginia, who's likely from, oh I don't know Texas say that 32 degrees is a bit chill-inducing. 32 is balmy, Friends. BALMY.

So here's what I have to say. Buck up. To all my Southerners whom I love and adore, BUCK UP. Buy a scarf for once in your days. Put on a toboggan (yes--a toboggan is a hat--a sled is a sled). Gloves people. And quit yer yappin. It will soon be just the way we like here in the South: hot, muggy, humidity-laden and moquito infested. Yep, July is lookin better already. I'm going to go enjoy my hot chocolate while I can.

p.s. If you happen to live in Texas, please don't take offense at the aforementioned comment. It's just an example.

Take a Big Whiff...that's the smell of change Baby!

So things they are a-changing in the fam. What, pray tell, could usher in even MORE change than we've already had? Plenty, dear friends.

1. We have made the (tough) decision to enroll Aiden and Devyn in a different school next year. Lots of reasons really. Primarily because God has blessed us with the opportunity to educate them in a manner we always wanted for them, so we are taking Him up on the offer. In addition to that, Aiden would not have had the same first grade teacher that Devyn was blessed--and I truly mean blessed--next year. She now teaches 2nd grade and while Devyn's teachers have been great following her first grade year, they have NOT been a Mrs.J. She.Is.The. POO. It breaks my heart that Aiden wouldn't have her next year--so, due to that and the aforementioned reason, the kids are both moving to a different school. Together, which they're very stoked about, I might add.

2. Mike has a new job in Naval Warfare. We are headed to an LHD, or Landing Helicopter Dock in the terms of a Naval Assault Ship. This means, NO BAHRAIN IN SEPTEMBER!!! WHOO HOOO! Hallelujah and praise the Good Lord.

3. I am venturing back to school to take a class in the language of medicine, which may be a stepping stone to a new career for me...I'm merely getting my feet wet right now, but so far it's a good, tepid temperature, and not too shocking to the spirit! When I was three years old, my "Grown-Up Job" was going to be nurse. That's all I wanted to be. Then, when I was around 16, I went insane and decided to major in something else entirely and I mean ENTIRELY different. I enjoyed it, but still, it's not where my heart lies. There is still a very, VERY large part of me tht wants to be in the medical field as an RN, so that's what I'm pursuing. Trust me, I'm scared to bits. I don't know what lies ahead of me...but, I do know I'll regret it for the rest of my days if I don't give this a good hoo-ra. I will either come out completely crazy as a June Bug or a bonafide Registered Nurse--either in Pediatrics or Obstetrics...

there's more, but it's bedtime for the kiddles...

The Wish List

Remember when the Sears WishBook was ACTUALLY a BOOK and not a pamphlet? Such a travesty. Nearly ruined Christmas this year when the Target Wish Book was MUCH bigger than the Sears WishBook. I digress...

Wishes for this year...and there are nine of them...

1. That the scheduled deployment to Bahrain will be 90 days and NOT 180. Read: 3 months. NOT SIX.

2. That the Hokies will actually win a Bowl Game tonight. Because it's rarely happened before. I love them, but BOY do they choke when it matters.

3. That I will continue on my quest to truly simpfly our family life and spend more time together doing silly, fun family stuff.

4. That my children's confidence will continue to grow, and their understanding of God's love for them, as well as ours, will grow..and grow...and grow...

5. That the endeavour I am about to begin will be fruitful, and won't leave me shaking my head...

6. That my husband will continue to have a fulfilling Naval career...

7. That my extended family will find peace after losing my grandfather last month.

8. On a selfish note, that the four of us will be able to travel to London this fall after our scheduled trip was cancelled when the last deployment was extended.

9. Finally, for laughter, joy, sadness that makes us grateful, anger that makes us mature, and melancholy that makes us comfortable to fill our home and the lives of the four of us.

Happiest of New Year's to you!